21 April 2014

power of dreams

I realized it's been a long time and I don't know what happened, my memory has died; I recall an icy winter, full of blank skies and an empty soul, I waited until I couldn't feel my hands, and I wept until there was no air left. I loved for a long time, and so I hurt for a long time, too. I was left in my own winter wonderland, waiting for snow, waiting for love, but the world didn't turn and everything remained frozen in time. 

Today is spring. The rain is heavy and the sky is bright, full and happy. It shines on me, like an inspiration, maybe today is the day I was waiting for, always longing for; but I don't feel the same. Something has disappeared from me, whether sadness, loneliness or whatever I had carried for so long, I can no longer find it within myself. I remained frozen all that time, but somehow melted into a happiness so unusual to me, it almost felt unreal. I remember it like a dream, hazy and pink, blurred and scented with roses. It was Paris, to me, perfect and ideal in every way. There was love and there was a clouded sky, like bunnies bouncing above the world. I was happy. I found bliss. I wanted to make it last for as long as I could, I tried to hold my breath and count to a million, but in all that whirlwind, I disappeared again, fell back into a new reverie, grey and dark, unlike the pink Paris I had loved. 

For the first time in such a long time, I fell in love with a dream, a surreal image of myself and my love that I wanted to possess for ever. I keep dreaming, every night, like a child, and I keep wishing upon the brightest star in the lonely sky, hoping one day for a greater dream to come to me again. I'll love and love, I'll keep trying, and everything will be alright. 

Thank you for the love. Thank you for the thoughts. I've been inspired after so long, after being so heavy and full of myself. I'm light like air, dancing in the galleries. I want to love and love. I'll dream once more. Thank you.


  1. and Kiiyha is back, the lightness and brightness in your words is so refreshing, so good to be reading them again, thank you. I love the journey back from dark times, that excitment that all is possible. Health and happiness to you. t xx for me, i will take myself to the ocean and back-stroke out through the waves, white foam running over my chest, like your words, it so alive, x

  2. Good morning K, its a crazy time in a beautiful world, during all this suffering I think of Nelson Mandela, of how on his release he spoke about leaving all his hatred and bitterness in his cell, otherwise he would have remained a prisoner on the outside, I hope your life, work, study are all heading in a positive direction. t xx

  3. I was walking around the back streets of Phuom Penh last week and I remembered a comment you made some time ago, about you as a child,running around the streets of
    Bangkok, and I was wondering which of the children I saw would go on to live a life like
    yours. Health and happiness t x


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